Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I'm not ready...

Ever since Hudson turned two a few weeks ago [more like since he has turned eighteen months]...every single person I've talked to has asked when the next baby is going to be joining our family...
friends, family, our speech therapist, pediatrician, my OBGYN, previous co-workers, over the weekend it was a checker at Walmart... "so...you'll probably be having another one soon?!", last week it was the lady that did my nails..."oh, Hudson turned two?! why haven't you had another one yet?!"

Usually I make a joke about why another baby is not in my arms, or in my belly for that matter. Or I will just simply state that we are thinking about it..or eventually it will happen...which is not a lie.
but really, the real truth.

I'm just not ready.

Everyone always says that when you have another baby, the first child will have to learn to "share"...learn to share you, learn to share with the baby...

But the way I see it, I'm actually going to have to be the one to learn to "share" Hudson.
I'm don't think I'm ready to share MY boy. 
He is my shadow, my best friend, my little buddy. He is the one that I spend my entire day with. we have our routine, we have our ways, and we work so well together.

I'm not ready. and maybe I'm scared too. but I'm just not ready.

I also don't know if I will ever be ready. 
I don't think I'm going to be that mom that says " I'm so ready for another baby"...
or get "baby hungry"...and my ovaries are not going to be itching anytime soon.
Sure, other peoples babies are adorable, and I would hold a newborn all day long, but I'm not the type to then come home and say, "yep, lets have another child."

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. but I also always knew I didn't want a lot of them, and I wanted some "years" in between them...clearly, my mind hasn't been changed.
I've always believed that their isn't going to be the "perfect" time.
Something is always going to be in the way...finacially, physically, emotionally...the month, the day, the year. insurance, where you live, time, work...on and on and on. I could make excuses all day to every single person that asks me...but the real answer is, I'm simply not ready.

And you know, that's okay.
It's going to have to be okay.
Because that's how it's going to be...until I'm ready.
So for now, it will be just me and Hudson.
and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 When did you know it was the right time to add to your family?


  1. Girl I'm trying to find out when I'm going to be ready for our first one!
    I really don't think that I'll be a very good mother, but my husband will seriously be a wonderful father which kinda eases my mind a little...lol

  2. Heavenly Father was pretty clear about when we needed to add another baby, but he didn't give us much warning. I was pretty nervous before each was born, but it's amazing how well we've adjusted and it's hard to imagine life before each of them. Now that I have 3, I get comments about my hands being full- actually, I get those comments when I'm just out with 2 of them.

  3. I wasnt ready for another till we started looking at preschools to send jasper to! And I'm pretty sure we conceived Tindra the weekend of Jasper's 4th birthday party. For us it was the perfect Space in between them. Now that Tindra turned 1 I'm staring to think about number 3!

  4. You go! I love you and love the way you out things. Miss you!

  5. Two is so much harder than I thought it would be! Also, pregnancy with a busy toddler is exhausting. I was ready for number two when Isabel was born. :) But, I don't think I'll be ready for number three ever. Trust yourself. You certainly know what you can and want to handle. Quality over Quantity is my motto. :)


  6. My son just turned three last month and we aren't even thinking about having another child, and even if we were we can't any way - my other half had a vasectomy a couple years ago. I couldn't agree with you more - it's not so much that we would have to teach our son to share.. as I would have to teach myself to share. I'm perfectly fine with only having one :D It's totally up to you whether or not you want another.
    Hope you have an amazing weekend and a wonderful Mother's Day!

  7. I didn't really "know" the perfect time but I knew I always wanted at least two kids. We struggled getting pregnant the first time so we when we stopped preventing (when my son was 7 months!) we figured we had a good while....nope. God had other plans. First time was a success! I didn't think I was ready at all but now I couldn't imagine it being any other way. My kids are best friends. :)


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