battle.

If you have been following this blog long enough, you know that I have been on a weight loss journey after having Hudson. As I've said before, the weight literally fell off after I left the hospital, it was a piece of cake...until Hudson turned about 6 months old, I was done nursing, and the weight slowly crept back into my life. yuck. I've been researching and learning, boot camping and cleansing. Boot camp is the only thing that has "slightly" worked...even running and training for my "runs" has done nothing for that number on the scale. I have always been a bigger boned person, and that is totally fine with me...I've learned to deal with it, and be happy with my body. I will never be a size 2 or a size 6 for that matter, but that number on the scale is terrifying to me. This can not be my reality.

But it is right now.

I've been working my little bootie off to try and get some results, and I've hit a rut. I can tell you the exact reason too...you see, I have the exact opposite problem that most people that are trying to lose weight have...I actually don't eat enough.

[I promise, I do not have an eating disorder, now calm down.]

 

I've always had jobs that pretty much don't give me the chance to eat. I know that sounds silly, but while working as a CNA through high school and another through college- "meal time" for my residents was not a time for me to eat...so I didn't. When I finished assisting school & started working as a pediatric dental assistant [oh you didn't know that? yeah, chalk that up on "things you didn't know about me, and now you do"] there was absolutely no time for "snacks" and if a patient came in, or ran into my lunch hour, I didn't get a lunch. And now that I'm a mom, eating has become like 10928109284 on the priority list.

I've gotten in a pattern that's been a struggle to get out of it.

I can not even begin to tell you how many trainers or doctors have told me this. It's something I have struggled with ever since college, and trust me, it's not because I don't like food. I love food. All kinds of food. I love to cook. I love to bake. I love to eat. But when I sit down and count calories, or write down what I ate that day, I'm always sitting at about 700-900 [on a good day] calories...for the entire day. I then run into the problem that I work out... especially boot camp days, I work out hard, so although I'm sitting at 700-900 calories, I burn about 400-500 of those, which then means anything I eat, my body stores to try and get out of starvation mode.

Clearly, when you do the math...it just doesnt add up.

I never really thought it was a problem...but then again, I've never had or tried to lose weight.

Some may think that this would be the easiest thing to change...but I can tell you, that is false.
This is something that I have to work on...daily.
It's something that my husband has to remind me to do.
It's a process of writing down exactly what I eat, when I eat it so at the end of the day I can know if it was a good day or a bad day.
It's something that I haven't been able to do alone, so I've started doing things that will make me accountable at the end of the day, like writing this post.
It's one thing to think about it, talk to someone about it, but once it's out there for the public to read, it seems to change something in my head, knowing that there are hundreds of you reading and now knowing.

So with that said this is my battle.
I now get to eat some food, for what feels like all day long.
Any quick snack ideas...send them my way!
Protein bars ideas...send them my way!
your support...I thank you for it!
motivation...you know where to send that!

I think that through any "journey" you go through, whether it be weight loss or not, it's the time that you really start finding out who you are. How strong you are. How weak you are...mental, emotionally, and physically.